Bold choice in choosing to use a koki to pen your complaint and - might I add - the lack of any letterhead, date and signature was a classy touch. It really lent itself to the authenticity of the document. Especially considering how you obviously decided, in a moment of what you’ll later discover was not brilliance, to sign it body corporate.

No need to thank me. Your excellent penmanship and flawless spelling and are thanks enough.

Goal for upcoming week:

Must find brain’s off switch.

Method of achieving said goal:

Spend entire week in pyjamas eating Cocopops and watching soapie reruns. A total emotional lobotomy.

If only I’d know sooner. Sigh.

They are so grounded when they get back.

I read gorge myself on fiction and our apartment is too small to support my ballooning habit.

I need a good home for my besties.

This is supposed to make the experience more bearable.

All it does is make we wish their brain could be sucked out through their eyeball.